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Yelp Reviews for My Therapists

Listened to me cry about my breakup for thirty minutes, then referred me to someone else. Clearly had no time for my nonsense, and honestly I get it. 3 stars.

Rolled out some kind of electronic panel and sat me in front of it, my face inches away from several rows of flashing lights. Told me to follow the lights with my eyes while she asked me questions about my ex. Told me it was a new technique she had just learned about that was really helping soldiers with PTSD. Maybe just didn’t want to make eye contact with me for an hour (so awkward), but still way too intense for day one. Also I’m pretty sure I got snot on her PTSD doohickey, so definitely can’t go back. 2 stars.

As easy to talk to as my best friends. Helped me realize that my tendency to identify as “one of the guys” was really just a fear of getting involved in a romantic relationship, which I desperately wanted but felt completely unequipped for. Introduced me to a great psychiatrist and the magic of antidepressants. 5 stars.

Asked questions, let me respond, then stared at me with awkward intensely until I started word-vomiting more context and information, most of which was either irrelevant or fabricated, or both. Let’s just say I didn’t have thoughts of self harm before meeting with her. 1 star.

Managed to put the difficulties of my work life in perspective in one single conversation. Convinced me that I don’t have to track my calorie intake and weight daily in order to be healthy. Taught me the word “empath” and challenged me to focus more on my own emotions than those of the people around me. Gushed over my new puppy with an appropriate amount of enthusiasm. Genuinely changed my life. Not covered by insurance. 4 stars.

Does not do in-person or virtual sessions, only chat. Gave me way too much time to craft perfect answers, so she ultimately decided I didn’t need therapy after all. If only that were true. 2 stars.

Told her I had anxiety, and she asked if I had tried taking deep breaths or using an oil diffuser. Not bad if you’re looking for Therapy 101, but some of us out here are advanced. Did end up buying the diffuser though. 3 stars.

Took our first session off camera because she was “having issues with her wifi,” but could tell from the noises that she was at the park with her kids while she talked to me. Feel bad giving a negative review to a mom clearly trying to make it work, but I need more support than you can give me while also yelling for Timmy to stop going up the slide backwards. 2 stars.

Gave me tons of homework and reading to do between sessions, which I loved. Talked to me with the same tone you would use with a small child or energetic puppy, but honestly I didn’t mind it that much. Considered my theory that I might have bipolar disorder and walked me through the assessment, but said she couldn’t give me an official diagnosis because it wasn’t significantly impacting my life. I take issue with that logic, but I know it’s the protocol she has to follow. 4 stars.

Used an online portal that automatically sends you quizzes each week to track your progress on certain metrics. I’m pretty convinced I have all the mental illnesses, so I signed up for all the trackers and spent way too much time trying to figure out if I had lashed out in anger “Not At All” or “Several Times” in the past two weeks. Why is there nothing in between “Not At All” and “Several Times”??? 3 stars.

Made me cry in our first conversation, in a good way. Only been working with her for a few weeks, but we’ve already covered everything from my ADHD to the indirect impact of my grandfather’s emotional abuse on the way I handle personal conflict. Talks a little bit too much, but always makes me feel challenged and supported at the same time. Always asks where my dog is if she can’t see him in the background. 5 stars.


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